foreshadower | IC Contact

It's more of what I didn't say. Toby proposed and again, I panicked. I stalled, I dodged the question and he took it personally. He even suggested that he move out for a little while until I managed to convince him to stay. But since then...

[ Dorian's noticed the tension around the house. Man, he fucked up. Again, he trails off before giving Shade a small sigh. ]

If I need to marry Toby to keep him by me then I suppose I've got no choice but to marry the man. But there are...certain reasons that Toby doesn't know about that would make the marriage feel a tad bit disingenuous to me.

Oh? How long have you two been together?

[ Marriage as an immortal is different. Terrifying, for certain. Wrong on so many levels. Why wed when things will inevitably end either from death or from the drift of time? Why make such a commitment? It's the same reason Shade never got a pet. ]

And what did you do that's so terrible? It can't be that bad.

Nor should it feel like a chore, however.

It doesn't really matter how long we've been together, I know that I can easily spend the rest of my life with him.

[ That's the whole literal heart's desire thing. Plus, the 'how long have you been together' question is automatically more complicated what with death and rebirth. As for the other question.... ]

I assume you're asking what I did back home? You've...well, if I tell you, you've got to promise not to tell anyone else.

And marriage is a difference? It sounds like you're already married.

[ But he paused, all the same, to let the other words sink in. ]

I won't tell a soul.

Marriage is a commitment! [ but even as Dorian says that, he's thinking of Shade's words. it sounds like you're already married, well he has been living with Toby for the past few months and waited patiently while he was in jail and tried (and failed!) to get a conjugal visit and oh my god they are so married. They had an argument about cleaning, if that's not 'welcome to domesticity,' Dorian doesn't know what is.

Terrifying thoughts aside, he continues. ]

To make a very long story short, he's dead. I'm further along back home so I know that Toby will die and...and the chances of bringing him back by luck or tarot cards or what have you are slim to none. And it's all my fault.

Oh, that's it?

[ Shade killed lots of people. Even the ones he cared about. Mind, Maguerite had been in the early 1900s, and... he had distance to pull himself away from her these days. ]

I suppose it could make things difficult, but you're still together, yes? So it's only...kept you from voicing what you're already doing?

[ There's a very confused pause on Dorian's end. ]

I'm sorry, what do you mean 'oh, that's it?' I think that effectively killing your hearts desire might be a bit of a dealbreaker.

It hasn't stopped you from loving him now, apparently. [ Shade doesn't get it...

Well, he does, but he thinks Dorian's being something of a fool about it. ]

Is it the name marriage? Perhaps you should take on "life partners" for a while, if that's what's so troublesome. Do you really think he's going to leave you?

I don't think he's going to leave me. It's just...well, he deserves better.

[ because Toby is wonderful and perfect and so lovely and Dorian stares at his sins on a regular basis. ]

That hasn't stopped you from being with him, I noticed.

Are you hoping you're merely a bed warmer?

I don't want to be merely a bed warmer. But at the same time, I don't know if I want to be married.

Have you voiced that?

What is it you do want, then?

[ There's a pause before Dorian starts talking. When he does, it's in a very deliberate manner. ]

I want to be with Toby for as long as I can. I also would like to stop feeling horrible about lying to him like this, but I suppose I'll have to deal with that myself.

Why don't you tell him?

Or is this one of those... [ He trails off, trying to think of a delicate way to say it. ]

Where you feel too worried to come clean, but too guilty to accept what you have?

Because I worry that if I tell him, he's going to leave me.

[ again, KIND OF KILLED TOBY and it also is 10x more worse than Dorian's putting it because Satan's involved. ]

[ He can at least appreciate that Dorian's essentially just being selfish.

Not that he'll say it. ]

I see. [ But the way he says that comes close. ]

Do you think he'll leave because of the way you reacted to his proposal?

[ this is Dorian, he is Captain Selfish ]

He certainly has been miserable and distant ever since I rejected his proposal. I hope that's not enough for him to leave me.

What will you do, if it is? He could forgive you, you know.

Or is Toby not that sort?

I'd wager he is. Eventually, he would forgive me. But I...I don't want to even spend a minute without him. He's dead back home. I don't want to bear even a minute where I know he's alive but I doubt he loves me.

Mm, and you are certain that it will continue while he's mad at you now?

[ he sounds so human right now, Shade doesn't know what to make of it. ]

You must have concocted some excuse by now.

Excuse for what? [ and here, Dorian just sounds all the more human and all the more confused. Feelings are hard, yo. ]

For why you don't want to get married.

He must be suspicious.

I just don't like commitment! I know that and Toby knows that and what is marriage if not the ultimate commitment?

Besides, this place...this place is so impermanent.

Perhaps.

So is loving a mortal, and I've done that before. Nothing is permanent, with lives as long as ours, is it?

Well I've done that before too, but I didn't marry her. [ again, commitment issues! ] She asked, I emphatically refused, we got attacked by a kraken for our efforts.

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